In the Light of Day

Wow it is morning again. Its eleven o'clock and I'm actually dressed and ready to go. Too bad I was supposed to be there at nine. Yet I still feel accomplished because the sun is still up and I have a few hours before I go to work to feel like I'm not a vampire. I don't even work the graveyard shift. If I did, I'd probably just quit my job. I volunteer some mornings at my church in the marketing department, helping copy and print the CDs that the sermons are recorded on. I just don't have the motivation to move very fast today. I think it may be called exhaustion, or maybe just light fatigue. I didn't get to sleep until close to 4am last night, and Jay called me at eight to make sure I was up. I actually rolled out of bed around nine, but as I said before, that's when I was supposed to be there. I even told Sister Mary that I would help her with something when she got there at ten. Speaking of Jay, he just sent me a text message saying how much he appreciates my support and encouragement right now. Its funny how he seems to know when I am getting frustrated. Cause I was just sitting here thinking I probably wouldn't have been up so late last night if he wasn't here until 1am. I just couldn't sleep well after he left. I felt the weight of his discouragement trying to creep over on to me, and instead of praying I just let it push me around. It seems so obvious right now in the light of day that I should have just prayed and went to sleep. But in the darkness of the night things can get distorted. Well, I suppose I better at least try to show up at the church, cause I don't want to reschedule for my day off. I have enough to do already. God help Jay to get through this trial of his faith, and give me the strength to let You love him through me so I can continue to be a support and encouragement. I know he needs that, but frankly sometimes I don't want to give it. Help me to love him the way he has loved me over the last five years. Unselfishly. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Peace & Quiet

Ahhh....finally back home alone in my cave. I mean my apartment. Its small and dark like a cave, especially since I only open the blinds for a few minutes each day. No I'm not a hermit, I just work nights remember? My yellow-green spider plant Harry can testify to that. He used to be a nice deep green color. When he was flourishing I used to talk to him when I was at home so he could have a carbon dioxide treat when I would breathe on him....Haaaaaii Haaaaaaaaarry. Maybe its not the lack of sunlight that is killing him, it could have been the garlic breath. Hmmm, I wonder. Anyway, like I was saying before, it is good to be home in my safe place. A man's home is his castle, and my apartment is my sanctuary. This is my place where I can shut out the cares of the world and just be. I can hear from God clearly in this atmosphere. No interruptions, no background noise, just the quiet, luxurious sound of peace. My fiance, Jay has the key to my castle and was here when I came home from work. He has been going through some challenges to his faith lately, and I'm just glad that he feels safe here. He has his own house, but he's been spending a lot of time at my place lately. Even though its nice to have him around, we aren't married yet, and I don't want him to get too used to being here. He goes home every night, but since I get off so late from work anyways, sometimes its late night early morning hours when he leaves. I wish that things were better for him right now in his eyes. His life is not as bad as he thinks it is. He has been there for me through so many of my challenges, I just don't feel like I have the grace he had to handle it. Its different when a man is facing a challenge, men seem to like to suffer in silence until they come up with a solution. But not us women. Just ask Chatty, I'm just teasing, Cindy. We like to talk it through when we are facing difficult circumstances. Well, for now I have to go to bed. But I fill you in on more of the details of what I mean later. For now, I'm just going to enjoy the peace and quiet.

Fight that Feeling

Good morning, well good afternoon. I work late nights so my mornings can vary anywhere from 5am on a Sunday getting ready to sing in the church choir, to 12:45am on a day like today with just a few moments to steal away and write before I go back to work. I'm fighting that strong urge to have a bad attitude this morning/afternoon whatever. I can't afford to be negative working in a call center where the atmosphere is already tainted with fear and complaining. So I'm just going to get it all out here and now, quickly before I go pick up my co-worker Chatty. I mean Cindy. She is a sweetie, but she can really talk! :) So I'm gathering my thoughts now and in the next few minutes when I get in the shower. Speaking of which I really better get moving, I still have to iron and get to her house in the next 20 minutes. But I HAVE TO WRITE. It may not look like much right now, or be all that enjoyable to read, but I just have to do it. I can't fight that feeling anymore. Everyday for the last year or so I have heard the small voice on the inside which I've recognized to be God's voice telling me to WRITE NOW! And I just kept pushing it down, ignoring Him and flat out being disobedient to the call. Well I won't despise small beginnings....this is a start. I'll just keep writing, a little everyday. The rest is up to God now cause I'm doing my part. I'm writing Lord, please help me!

Overcoming Fear

Dear Lord,

Please give me the strength to keep writing. As you know this is my third blog attempt, and I know you have something to say through me. Please help me to be used by You to speak Your Word to whoever You send to read it. Thank You!

In Jesus' name,

Amen.